i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
