i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
