I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
