upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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