What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
