u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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