Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
