there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
