It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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