Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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