my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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