dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
