He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
