If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
