If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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