so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
