Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
