I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
