I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
