due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
