my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
