The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize