pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
