So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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