So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
