If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
