well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
