Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
