I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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