She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
