The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
