then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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