Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
