piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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