I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
