these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
