we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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