Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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