i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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