I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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