Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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