I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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