The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
