Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
