I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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