That's intense
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
