Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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