Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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