i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize