i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize