ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize