Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
