I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
