Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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