drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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