We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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