Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
