I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
