if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
