Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
