when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
