I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
