I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
