I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
