In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
