Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
