when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
