i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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