You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
