Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
