she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
