I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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