so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
