I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize