Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
