the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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