If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
