what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
