I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize