This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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