Too much gin, very little bucket
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
