so that wasnt chicken after all
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
