I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
