my mouth tastes like poor choices
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize