How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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