kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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