i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
