What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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