Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
